just be it Just Be It is a practice of presence that recognizes the limits of language. When aware of silence there is a state of inner still alertness. You are wholeheartedly present.

There’s tremendous joy and peace that comes from “not thinking“. We’re born into this world before thought. The craving mind has not developed, the mind that leads to so much suffering. As we grow, we receive reinforcement and hopefully the good approval from others as we begin our journey from nobody to somebody. We find praise or complaint for what we accumulate and for what we do. We become attached to identities that lead us along this journey. So we go from “being“ to reinforcement and praise for “having” and “doing“ and if all goes well, we come to that place again of “just being“. There’s no longer the craving to have. No longer the craving “to do” motivated by our need for the good approval of others. Within this “being“ state we practice awareness and wake up to the interdependence of all. There’s no need to fix, no need to change another, no need to “be right“, no need to win at another’s expense, etc.  There’s just a commitment to engage the moment in complete awareness. This is the state of love. This is bliss. This is harmony, alignment, peace and joy. It’s not a static state. The next craving or the next fear is just around the corner. Yet, this is where our real spiritual security lives. It’s a state of “no complaint, no complaint”. Free from anger and greed, it’s a place of light, positive energy, gratitude, and higher vibration.  As we move through life we witness the illusion of happiness from “to have“ and the illusion of happiness from “to do“. As we witness the inevitable aging of the body, the inevitable moments of “dis-ease“, the surrender of the body and the inevitable letting go of all that we have and all that we’ve done, we face impermanence. We’re free from the typical anxiety and worry. We touch the ultimate, that space where the only response is “yes” and “thank you”.  We touch that space of wonder as we leave worry  behind.

Can we at least agree to make space for finding the gift in the moment? Can we agree to affirm this next opportunity to participate in life? Breathing out, can we give thanks for all the wonder, joy and mystery that is so far beyond the capacity of our understanding? Can we agree to not knowing everything? Can we humble ourselves in the gift of this moment, of this opportunity to participate, and pledge ourselves to forever aim in the direction of not causing harm?

Do I have the strength, courage, and discipline to engage in practices of surrender? Or do I hold a sense of security from what I “have“ or what I “do“. I can enter the creative experience when I surrender from my thoughts of “knowing“. When I take refuge in the land of “I don’t know“ I humbly surrender to the Mystery and the creative. I surrender the thoughts of my separateness, a separate body, a separate mind… surrendering into awareness. Surrendered into the consciousness of this fleeting moment I find “fullness“. No longer worried. No longer concerned with thoughts of “not enough“ or “pride“. Just surrendered into “being“. Touching this “just being”, I find true peace. That space beyond division, beyond thoughts of “subject versus object”, that space where awareness wakes up to the illusion of separateness.

My fight is to stand up for the choice of “not fighting”. That’s the paradox.

Our desire for another’s attention.

 I’ll never forget the time when my mother was close to death and I felt angry about it. She could sense my anger and I’ll always remember a bluish yellow green halo around her body when this question penetrated my very soul, “Randy, what are you holding onto?“. And now many decades later, I can reflect on this and more accurately answer that I was holding on to her unconditional attention to who I thought I was. She was my greatest cheerleader. She had so much pride in who she thought I was. She invested everything into having her hopes fulfilled through my successes. Some would call this a mother’s unconditional love. Yet, because of her tremendous support I developed a great need to have her audience and approval. I’ll never forget 10 years after her death, still wanting to go to her when I felt I did something well. I am now 70 years old and I realize my joy and happiness must not depend upon another’s approval or attention. As a leader in running my speech pathology clinics, a business leader, trumpet player and a father, there were those who felt somewhat obligated to give me attention. Yet, the real work is how we hold our integrity without audience. The real work is to hold equanimity, balance, alignment and a deep commitment to not cause harm… even when there is no audience. Reflecting on my mother’s question, I can now say my deepest desire, that which I continue to hold onto, is to not cause harm. I will hold on to the desire to steward health and well-being as best I can. I will hold on to those practices that nurture and nourish, committing to letting go those thoughts, actions and speech that cause harm. In effect, my mother was asking me to hold on to love, to the freedom and the desire to foster freedom for others.

When my mother asked me “What are you holding onto, Randy?“ I was stunned. The question ripped the floor from under my feet. She was in the process of shedding her body, only three weeks to go. I had expressed some anger that she was leaving so soon, 55 years old. I recall a bluish/green halo around her body when she pierced my heart with that question. I know now what I’m holding onto. I’m holding onto curiosity, to a sense of wonder, to a dedicated work for smashing the illusion of separateness and returning always to love and connection and belonging.

So much of what we’re holding onto will ultimately need to be let go. Certainly, our biggest challenge is to let go of those things that failed to nurture us, those things that poison us with fear and greed. A good test for me on how well and hard I should hold onto something is the test of time. When we were 20 years old Jane and I let go of eating red meat. We found great freedom in this. 50 years later, we have not let go of each other, I have not let go of my yoga or meditation practice, I have not let go of my favorite instrument, the trumpet. I have not let go the dedication to care for this body through activity. Yes, it’s true, I eventually will let go of everything. I’ll let go of the desire to eat, the capacity to move, the wonders that come from my senses of sight, hearing, smell, taste, all the glorious senses of wonder. I will let go of the illusion of immortality for this body. I will surrender to the remembrances that it’s of human nature to age, to face disease, to say goodbye to this body that has served me so well, to say goodbye to all the things I cherish, all the people I cherish… everything. As I travel the current of life, floating in the stream to the big ocean, I realize I’ve always been water, always have been water and always will be water. I resonate with the wisdom that we are all connected, not separate, not two. The older I get, with each breath I take, I find a deeper gratitude for the opportunity to just be, to just be in awareness of this precious gift of the next breath. I can think and fantasize about the future and what may come when I say goodbye to the body. I simply don’t know and have not seen any evidence that would substantiate what happens. Yet, I know deep in my heart that there is a continuation. I know I didn’t make me. I know Grace is bestowed upon me daily, moment by moment. I know my purpose is to not hurt another, to carry a light footprint, and to know thoroughly that the results of my action live on beyond my time in this body. So when my mother asks, “Randy, what are you holding onto?“ it can also be framed in the question, “Randy, what are you unwilling to let go?“ And this so closely relates to the First Noble Truth of the Buddha. He came to the awareness that that to which we are attached to is the source of our suffering. And our spiritual directive is to forever examine this and let go.

When you’re prepared to meet the present moment you’re prepared to meet anything.

A strong present moment practice can be seen as a spiritual security investment. The more we invest in cultivating presence, balance and equanimity the less likely we are to make a mess of things when the inevitable rug is pulled from beneath us. Awareness practices aimed at ‘this moment’ are ways to keep one foot on the floor of the ocean when the surface is very turbulent, an investment to finding ground in the unknown.

This time of year always has me focusing more on light and transitional states of water. Marie Gautier has a lyric that has captured me as I meet the later portion of my time in this body. The seasons and various states of water show me the pain of impermanence and the relief of continuation/interconnection. In the midst of a pandemic, it’s all to easy to turn dark, growing fear. Here, movement into the light is my Bigger Hope, breaking the illusion of our beginning or ending, of our aloneness. Grace given to “just be”.

My first wind sport was hang gliding. The study of micrometeorology was essential and it helped me move to windsurfing, a wind sport with far less risk.  It’s probably my main grounding for wind sport much like my first religion was.  We did expand windsurfing to ice/snow and enjoyed the smoother ride with less friction, but the real challenge came when kiteboarding was introduced.  I remember my windsurf friends asking if I had switched to “the dark side” when they found out I was exploring kiting.  

A few years back the hydrofoil was introduced and got most traction with kiteboarding.  It was then added to the windsurf board and recently we now have a hand held wing that works beautifully with a foil.  I like to look at all of these applications as different tools for different conditions.  I’ve developed skills in all of these tools except kiteboarding foiling.  However, I’ve had the privilege to ride frequently with expert kiteboard foilers.  Each tool can enhance our general understanding of wind sport and challenge a deeper level of riding.  For sure, what we put attention to grows stronger and what we ignore loses energy.  Some riders never switch their tool and continue to go deeper and deeper refining their tool with their instrument of choice.  Some hit a plateau. Some people have deepened their religion of preference and have not incorporated the wisdom and teachings of other religions.  I will never know their instrument of choice at their depth, and they will never know the broadening of experience that comes from synthesizing learnings from a variety of instruments/religions.  The last thing I want to do is make any attempt at persuasion to the supposed “right” choice.  It only leads to anger.  Yet, given I have a certain proficiency in a wide variety of tools and continue to practice all of them I thought it could be helpful to run some comparative observations from my riding.  

Parameters I’m looking at are: 1. Learning curve, 2. Ease of launch and landing, 3. Versatility in non-steady wind/friction, 4. Impact from weeds, 5. Risk factors, 6. Set-up/tear down ease, 7. Ease/impact on the body, 8. Freedom from attachment to the board.

1. Kiteboarding seems to have the easiest learning curve, especially when first learned on snow/ice.  The downside is the risk of injury if proper training in exit strategies isn’t given thorough attention.  Windsurfing to planing skill takes more time to learn but has very little risk of injury unless one fails to pay attention to water/air temp and offshore winds. For sure, water is more forgiving than ice/snow when falling.  The learning curve for foiling seems fastest for windsurf foiling provide the rider has advanced windsurfing skill.

2. The most versatile launch/landing seems to be the hand held wing with foil board.  I’ve been able to get in and out of the water in places I’d never be able to kite.  The windsurf rig is attached to the board so it’s more cumbersome.  This is where the kiteboarding tools are much more condition dependent.  It’s preferable to have an experienced assistant, it’s necessary to have a safe distance from downwind objects, and enough time to deploy the various safety mechanisms if the launch or landing fail to go smooth, and debris either on land or in the water can be a menace.  The downside for foils is necessity of water depth.  I often have to walk my rig several hundred feet to get enough clearance.  Launching in shore break over three feet seems next to impossible for me.

3. The amount of friction with the board determines whether we’re planing or complaining.  Here’s where winter ice/snow riding and foiling dominate.  Foiling requires enough speed for ‘take off’, but once on foil the friction is dramatically reduced.  Winter riding wins hands down on ice since little friction exists.  In water, the upward pull and light weight of the kiteboarding gives it the advantage.  Once up on foil, little wind is required to keep flying on plane, giving the foil a huge advantage in the typically non-steady winds of the interior.  With the windsurf board and wing there’s a pumping action that works the upper body as the rider seizes on the gust to get up on foil.  As the wind line passes or diminishes, the rider can pump the sail or wing in conjunction with the board to keep on foil.  It’s great aerobic exercise, works upper and lower body, and allows the rider to stay on plane in conditions that ordinarily would be off plane. The proficient kiteboard foiler seems to have the advantage for signing the kite in lighter wind, as long as they can keep the kite in the sky.  The windsurf and wing board rider have the float of the board and the better visual for seeing the next wind line coming.  Before foiling I would windsurf/kiteboard an average of one time per week.  I now average over four days per week of riding.

4. Weeds are a major problem for foils and kiteboard lines. I’ve been able to handle foiling Minnesota lakes until late June before I have to go to the river.  It’s so frustrating to be waiting for a gust, pumpling to get on plane, only to realize a small weed has attached to the foil.  Similarly, I’m in a self/drift launch situation most of the time for kiteboarding.  Once summer sets in I’m always running the risk of weeds caught on the lines with a failed launch.  I also have to practice keen lake awareness to know those areas where a dropped kite simply won’t relaunch given the plant life on the surface.  The introduction of the weed fin for windsurfing has made this my instrument of choice when weeds are abundant.  It’s an easy launch from shore and I can always clear the weeds easily from the rig if necessary.  It’s the only instrument where I don’t have to be so aware of the plant life ceiling.

5. It seems the risk factors increase by how far away the power source is from the body and how hard the potential contact surfaces are.  Kiteboarding seems to have the most risk given the power source is 100’ away and the speed at which things can get out of control.  Ingenious safety mechanisms have been set up and it behooves the rider to continuously practice with these so they become automatic and instantaneous.  It seems kiteboard foiling is also more demanding in this area since the rider can load the back foot, sending the lighter board in the air with an unknown landing.  There have also been instances where the lines have tangled around the foil.  The windsurf rig and the wing are held close to the body for greater control in radical conditions.  All the rider needs to do is let the rig go and fall to the side of the board.  Leash management can be an issue that requires calm and patience when wing boarding.  In rough conditions the foil could impact the body.  Wingboarding in waves can pose some threat as the board with foil tumbles in the whitewater.  It’s helpful to have neoprene protection when foiling.  I’ve taken several nicks from my wetsuits that would have penetrated my skin without that extra layer.  Booties are also a good idea with windsurf foiling to prevent injury when water starting.  On the flip side, windsurfing forces more toe pressure against the boot end and after years of boot use fungus usually develops under the toes.  It’s a frequent consequence of tight ski boots, as well.  Fortunately, I’ve removed my back straps for windsurf foiling and my toes are much happier.  However, with regular high wind windsurfing it’s simply not an option.

6. There’s no simpler set up and tear down than with wing boarding.  Attach the foil, blow up the wing, attach the leashes and you’re ready to go.  I usually leave my foil on, so it’s often less than five minutes to get on the water.  Blowing up a kite is quick, much less complicated than a windsurf rig, and is often viewed as a major step to simplicity.  Yet, it takes tremendous concentration to make sure the lines are laid out and attached correctly.  Tear down for kiteboarding and wing boarding seems about the same.  Kiteboarding wins the ease of transport prize and we’re looking forward to the performance factor of the inflatable wing boards that can easily pack up for air travel.  Most foil boards are under 7’ already, so auto transport is easy.

7. I just turned seventy and the foil has been a great blessing.  Previously my body was limited to no more than two hours of riding before pain started to set in.  Whether with kiting (my knee) or windsurfing (my back), it took about half an hour for my brain to catch up to the conditions, an hour of great alert riding, and a half hour to realize it was time to come in.  Foiling is much more like flying and sailing.  After take off, it’s smooth and quiet.  It seems I can get two to three two hour sessions in without body pain.  It’s especially helpful when rotating between instruments (i.e. 2 hours wing boarding, 2 hours windsurf foiling, 1 hour kiteboarding, 30 minutes windsurfing, 1 wing boarding).  I had often thought I was nearing the end of my windsurfing days and now I’m optimistic that the foil will allow me to keep on going. Also, playing the board in the air has relieved me from the need to travel for more terrain.  Oftentimes, this could be four hours out of the day and more gas than I care to use in these times.  More riding time, less complaining, less gas harming the environment and my pocketbook.

8. The windsurf rig is attached to the board with a universal joint.  The kiteboarder is attached to the kite by lines.  Both use a harness to help in this attachment as the body balances against the power of the wind engine.  For thirty years I’ve used the Skimbat (winter wing boarding) with a long race snowboard.  The freedom from not being attached was addicting.  The wing could be thrown about freely, balancing the edge of the snowboard against the lake surface and the angle of the wing for the desired performance.  It was also the closest I could get my body to the power source, a gratifying feeling in turbulent conditions.  Wing boarding water takes it to a whole new level with the introduction of a moving terrain.  Integrating the body with optimum attitude of the foil and the wing is like a ballet.  I believe it synthesizes my hang gliding, windsurfing, SUP surfing, kiting and yoga skills in a most amazing way.  I’ve always enjoyed listening to a musical sound track while riding and have found wing boarding to be the most dance like for me.

You may not relate to my concept of ‘windsport tools’.  I know many who would object to the concept of synthesizing various religious wisdoms for various times and situations.  For me, the synthesis of Christianity, Zen, Sufi, Indigenous, Jewish and Hindi traditions has deepened the spiritual journey.  There have been many times where the correct choice of tool meant the difference between violence or harmony.  There have been many times where I chose the incorrect windsport instrument for the conditions.  

I’m so grateful to all the curious minds who’ve given us the innovations for pursuing our dreams.  Traveling through this time of uncertainty, the passion we have for riding the wind brings us forever back to balance.  We can seek harmony through homogeny or through embracing diversity with our curiosity.  Deepest gratitudes to our pilgrim spirit fellow riders.

The tone…just be it

Our deepest felt sense of inter-connection transcends the limits of language.  This is particularly evident when a separating wound is deep.  When it’s too soon for words, but time to break silence in the healing process, the healing sound of the horn or the dog’s howl can assist in bringing us back to harmony and inter-Being.

I’m a US citizen, member of the human species and one of your constituents.  You can preach all you want about how you’re going to change things, how your opponent must be blamed for all that’s wrong, and continue the myopic strategies that have stalled our human capacity to meet ever accelerating change in climate, technology and globalization.

Yet, if you can’t show me you have strong active listening skills, if you can’t dedicate time to hear “the people’s” concerns, I have somehow lost hope.

Before you do anything or say anything, I want to know specifically how you’re going to heal the wounds created by our polarized country.  How will you get people to be friends rather than enemies?  How will you get people to stop yelling?  What will you do specifically to get the needle to move from “right vs. wrong” to  “maybe, maybe not”.  Would you endorse a change in congress where Democrats and Republicans sat next to each other?  Would you endorse a mandate where congress members were required to stay in Washington one weekend a month to socialize in bipartisan fashion at the White House?  Would you be willing to open each session with the pledge, “I admit I do not know everything”, showing at least a minimal willingness to explore issues with a more open mind?  Do you think the president has too much authority and would you support a wisdom council to strengthen more appropriate actions from the president?  This council could be made from past presidents, vice presidents and cabinet members who stayed the course through at least one term without sanctions.  The year is 2020 and we must have 20/20 vision that comes from open, collaborative minds.  Stale, old school dogmas that continue to be pushed in near sighted, myopic thinking threaten us all.  When all we can do is yell at each other, the future for our children is gravely at risk.  We’ve got enough candidates flaunting their ability “to fight”.  I’m looking for representation to the “open mind” that is cogently aware of our precarious time.  Again, my first question is directed to specifically what are your plans to break the walls and heal the wounds of our polarized country, of our polarized global community? Show me that you’re collaborative and not predatory.  Show me a flexible, open mind with imagination, 20/20 vision and a capacity to explore in these rapidly changing times.