just be it It’s about the work involved in establishing a dedicated practice to feelings of a bigger belonging through practices aimed at increasing feelings of compassion, gratitude and forgiveness

Mother’s Day Story (take 2)

Published on 09/05/21
by randy

Our desire for another’s attention.

 I’ll never forget the time when my mother was close to death and I felt angry about it. She could sense my anger and I’ll always remember a bluish yellow green halo around her body when this question penetrated my very soul, “Randy, what are you holding onto?“. And now many decades later, I can reflect on this and more accurately answer that I was holding on to her unconditional attention to who I thought I was. She was my greatest cheerleader. She had so much pride in who she thought I was. She invested everything into having her hopes fulfilled through my successes. Some would call this a mother’s unconditional love. Yet, because of her tremendous support I developed a great need to have her audience and approval. I’ll never forget 10 years after her death, still wanting to go to her when I felt I did something well. I am now 70 years old and I realize my joy and happiness must not depend upon another’s approval or attention. As a leader in running my speech pathology clinics, a business leader, trumpet player and a father, there were those who felt somewhat obligated to give me attention. Yet, the real work is how we hold our integrity without audience. The real work is to hold equanimity, balance, alignment and a deep commitment to not cause harm… even when there is no audience. Reflecting on my mother’s question, I can now say my deepest desire, that which I continue to hold onto, is to not cause harm. I will hold on to the desire to steward health and well-being as best I can. I will hold on to those practices that nurture and nourish, committing to letting go those thoughts, actions and speech that cause harm. In effect, my mother was asking me to hold on to love, to the freedom and the desire to foster freedom for others.

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