just be it It’s about the work involved in establishing a dedicated practice to feelings of a bigger belonging through practices aimed at increasing feelings of compassion, gratitude and forgiveness

Happy New Womb Day

Published on 16/09/11
by randy

Supported in a New Womb

Supported in a New Womb

Today I celebrate the day I left my mother’s womb.  I know we call it our birth day, but really, this wasn’t the day I began.  I doubt I had thoughts of ‘not enough’, fears about losing what I had or not getting what I want when in the warmth of my mother’s body.  I suspect I met each moment as it came and I probably did this to a certain extent until I developed language.  In fact, before that moment of language’s separation, I probably had no sense of being a separate self.  Can I say I was ‘nobody’?

I’m not really sure when I became aware of this body, but I do know that in my first ten years of life there was great support for coming into this body.  You could say I was becoming ‘somebody’.  I had left the support of my mother’s womb to enter another womb, filled with support from those around me, the atmosphere, and other forms of nourishment that caused me to blossom into a certain sense of identity.  Now, here’s this body some sixty-one years later, recognizing that I’m not ‘some body’.  That was illusion.  There’s awareness and history.  Yet, as I traverse this decade of life within this body there’s a deeper cultivation of ‘let go’.

I’m still in the same womb, the womb I found when leaving my mother’s womb.  It just takes much more effort to nurture a sense of equanimity in the face of this ‘let go’ experience.  I can feel truth in attaching to something bigger than my body.  It seems absurd to get lost in thoughts of beginning and ending when it’s been such a mystery so far.  When I really stop to listen, to touch the stillness of the ultimate, there’s a deep sense of re-membraning.  I’ve never left the membrane, yet my thoughts would have me believe I’m separate.  When I quiet the active mind there’s a deepening of this felt sense.  It can’t really be touched by words since they’re the separating subject/object tool that makes this so difficult.  Yet, when I empty the thoughts, the words, the naming of feelings, emotions and perceptions, there’s a deeper remembering.  It says you are supported.  It says you’ve always been supported and you always will be supported, no matter what.  It’s that felt sense that gives one the courage to let go, even in the midst of apparent crisis, knowing we’re never alone, never separate.  Paul Tillich writes, “Love is stronger than death.”  I think this is what he means.  Love, the everlasting feeling of embrace and support, will always win over the ego’s pull to separate.  Mother Theresa said we lose our peace when we forget we belong to each other.

I know we live in very uncertain times.  Some respond from greed, fear and ignorance to our interdependence.  They do what they can to scare us and would control us by pushing for laws that fight tooth and nail against nurturing our interdependence to one another and nature.  Their thoughts, emotions and actions fail to nourish compassion, forgiveness, and gratitude, the key drivers to touching the ultimate.  I don’t know where I came from, I try to deepen my awareness to this next arising moment, and I sure don’t know where I’m going when this body wears out.  Yet, I do know I’ll find peace in reflecting on those moments where I did not cause harm.  I know I’ll find joy in reflecting on those moments where I expressed kindness and gratitude for the opportunity to participate in this life.  I know I’ll feel happy for those moments I held my silence in honor to the awe and mystery of the Divine.

This celebration day I hope you’ll find a way to make space to cultivate the gift in the given.  It’s been said our real present is deepening our awareness to the present (moment).  I’m learning to live with less expectation.  My notion of hope has changed dramatically.  I used to attach to my sense of being ‘somebody’, thinking I was responsible for fixing things.  I’m deepening my awareness that nothing is ever fully resolved.  Everything is continually changing, moment to moment.  This is this, that is that, and then, the next breath.  The peace that comes from that is found in a bigger hope.  Holding this hope deep in the heart is finding the courage to let this body go when it wears out in preparation for the next womb.  For me, it’s knowing God intimately.  As we travel the latter years in these bodies, may we forever meet our newfound ‘differences’ with confidence and surprise.  This seems to be the essence of graceful aging.

For sure, we don’t want to leave these bodies.  Yet we will.  Part of our journey is to cultivate our intimacy with the Divine so we may have a courageous letting go into the next womb, fully embracing the uncertainty of what’s to come.  Real peace comes from a deep sense of knowing the Ultimate, knowing we’ve always been connected and supported, knowing we can never be separated, and our work is to wake up to this truth we’ve fallen asleep to.  Whether it’s called waking to Love, God, Ultimate, Divine, or Oneness, it’s the source of our compassion, forgiveness and gratitude.  May we all cultivate this stability in the face of unstable circumstance.  May we all grow our compassion and support for one another.  May we never take for granted the gift of these body/mind’s and the opportunity we’ve had to participate.  May we forever grow our appreciation for the gifts of ‘this womb’ found within this arising moment, breath by breath.  No birth, no death…just a new womb.

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