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A Bigger Belonging
Published on 20/10/09
by randy
Life’s spiritual journey seems to tie to our capacity and willingness to join larger circles of belonging. When I stop in my sense of righteousness, I’ve stunted my depth. When I open in my willing curiosity, to both the light and the dark as one, the journey deepens. The strength I have, the dedication made, to embracing this present moment, no matter what, directly relates to the quality of this life experience.
The other night I witnessed a woman stand up and start dancing in front of an amazing live band. No one else was dancing and few were even moving. Yet, she had the courage to engage with movement. I commended her on her courage later on. Expecting the typical surface interchange, she looked me in the eye and said she was soon to be seventy years old. I found her attractive, even though her face wore the evidence of years of living. She then said something that was hard not to react to. She said she wish she would have died when she was fifty. I chuckled, thinking a joke punch line was coming and she focused on me and said, “No, seriously, I really wish I had died when I was fifty.” My mind filled with judgment. At that moment I wanted to slap her and say, “How dare you?” I didn’t, and politely listened to her rant about her miserable life. Here was a mobile, attractive woman, out dancing on a beautiful evening in June, and the first thing she could say to a complete stranger was, “I wish I were dead. I’ve been wishing this for twenty years.” I now wish I would have given her a hug and invited her back to this precious present moment. I’m filled with mercy for her. Her pain is mine and somehow the invitation to our bigger belonging hurts, yet fills me with a stronger, larger YES to this gift of big belonging.
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